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in honor of valentine’s day

I’ve always thought that love would be tricky. I used to think poorly of individuals who, when asked why they loved their partners, answered that it was because their partners loved them and made them feel safe. These people were short-changing themselves, I thought. Just for the sake of feeling safe and for the guarantee of being loved, they were giving up on finding someone they themselves loved and on true love with its trials and tribulations.

What I did not realize then was how feeling safe could actually open you up and make you able to love. Perhaps this applies only to people like me, who are jaded by nature and like their hearts locked away even before the first person comes along to take aim, thank you very much. I’m not saying just anybody who can make you feel safe is the one, that love will definitely take root - if only it were that easy, right? All I’m saying is, love doesn’t have to be tricky. Love can be dependable yet true.

I’m the happiest than I’ve ever been, love life-wise. To be honest, I still keep looking to see exactly how it started, exactly when it started, and I haven’t got the slightest clue. I think I sort of stumbled into it. Beating a hasty retreat from a failed relationship, I still am not sure if I ran for shelter or was just willing to take a chance. Whatever it is, I am thankful. Am now a firm, firm believer of (cliched, but true) everything happens for a reason. And in hindsight I am grateful for every step that led me to him.  

He’s taught me a lot. Unsullied by the big bad world and its cynicism, he loves with an open and giving heart that truly inspires me. Maybe that’s how it’s meant to be all along, I think. The ugliness and the hurt we bear along the way have made us over-think, over-analyze, made us coat ourselves with layer that people have to peel away at to get to our inner selves. That’s not the way it’s supposed to be. Learning from our mistakes and from our past relationships does not involve us having our guard up, does not involve us playing games, and certainly does not involve us losing faith. These I’m sure we’re all guilty of, at one stage or another in our lives. We’ve lost ourselves along the way. We’ve got to go back, to the days of innocence, to the days when love was simple and pure.

At its core, isn’t love simply, very simply, just wanting that significant other to be happy?

P.S. I am hoping this sounds like a mature, reflective post and not outpourings of love because it was fully meant that way. The former, I mean. I wish you two every happiness, whichever way you find that happiness. Lots of love from Freiburg this Valentine’s Day, after all there is more than just romantic love! <3 <3 <3

P.P.S. Am really missing you guys a ton :<

P.P.P.S. Am feeling very self-conscious about this post already cos it is uncharacteristically mushy of me.

P.P.P.P.S. I officially strongly dislike (trying to steer clear from the word hate) of one of my flatmates that has the EQ of a 5-year-old. Long story but she had me boiling with rage, and that’s quite an accomplishment given I don’t really care about people I’m not close to. Ruined my yesterday, but my today was made by incredible acts of kindness (:

I feel so boring compared to you two

yeah my life sucks,

just had to add :(

I need you two!

BAKKUTTEH!!!

hi pengz darling and baby lim HAHA

I’m soooo fucking tied down by school stuff and the other whatnots
I’m really so exhausted, I really wish I have more time!
to meet my friends, to do what I want
and simply just want time to slow down :(

zz

the songs you guys had been giving me energy and some motivation to push on everyday
pls don’t stop that

the real shrimp will be back soon,
give her some time
zz

I received your package yesterday, limxiangyun, and it helped to brighten up a long, gloomy day. (BTW, I haven’t received anything from you shrimp ahem hahaha)

It doesn’t snow much in Freiburg I must say, it still is at that point where I’m excited to see now, excited to feel snow, to see the city drenched in white paint. Before this week it had only snowed twice, and both times, the snow cleared before the day was even over. Until now, the cake of snow on the ground has not been substantial to have snowball fights nor make a snowman :( But yesterday the snow and cold kind of got to me, and made me feel really homesick… It was just this sudden rush of nostalgia, and I haven’t felt it since the fifth or sixth day in Eastern Europe. So needless to say it was a huge comfort to receive something from SG. I’m fine now though, so no worries. Tomorrow the weather is expected to plunge to maybe -15 degrees, -20 degrees according to the local television news. 

Here in Germany at large I would say the people are very healthy and conscious with their diet. Not in terms of eating less and trying to lose weight, but in terms of eating healthy and in an environmentally-friendly way? I was surprised that so many students go to Al Natura (a health food supermarket that sells mainly organic goods) rather than REWE (the normal one) or ALDI (the budget one), I would’ve thought poor students would be scrimping and all. I’m the cheapo sort that goes for ALDI or the “ja!” brand (the budget housebrand of REWE) haha but I’ve been influenced by my flatmates to buy a few things here and there from Al Natura just to try out this more “German” lifestyle. I’ve mainly bought the not-so-expensive items like peanut butter, butter and milk but I have a feeling all this “healthiness” gets negated by my other budget food. My flatmates are also extremely herbivorous - one is vegan and the others hardly hardly eat meat and eggs. I love vegetables and all but beside them I feel like an absolute carnivore. I’ll take a photo of my fridge for you guys one day, you should see the difference between their compartments and mine. Theirs have all the atas, vegetarian, soy food and mine in comparison just looks like a meat locker. One of them explains that she prefers to eat meat that originates from somewhere she knows, so she’s sure that it’s healthy and that the animals are treated in the most ethical fashion. Actually it makes a lot of sense to me but I’d find it really hard to go vegetarian like them.

My eating habits have changed quite a bit too, I notice. I  have gotten into drinking coffee quite a bit here, cappuccinos in particular. I think it is because of how often we ducked into cafes for drinks in Italy because of the cold. Have gotten sick of hot chocolate, which I have had one too many times - previously had this non-stop craving for hot chocolate after drinking in at a local cafe our German teacher brought us to. Have stopped liking pasta :( Well, not stopped liking, and I know it sounds really cliched and maybe douchey, but really no pasta can compare after having had pasta in Italy. Instead have been obsessed with spaetzle of late, Germany’s equivalent of noodles and of pasta I guess. It is actually a regional speciality of the region I stay in, Baden-Wuerttemberg, and I really think it’ll be one of the things I miss the most when I return :( Oh and also I’ve been eating fruits, unlike in Singapore (which my family can attest to). The fruits here are just so much fresher! We don’t get berries all the time, it is only Italy and Spain that produces them I think, but when we do it is actually sweet. Yum. My favorite dessert here is the Blackforest cake - what else? - and I think it will spoil all Blackforest cakes in SG for me, the same way Italian pasta has spoiled all pasta for me :( Of course I miss food in SG though! Like…I’ve been craving for bak kut teh. And steamboat especially. Can we please go for a steamboat dinner when I’m back? I know just the place. I’ve been craving steamboat ever since I missed it for CNY and the weather only helps fuel this craving…

I’m actually sitting in Starbucks here (one bad thing about Freiburg, not many cafes, and in most you’d look weird studying inside) and I’m feeling like my paragraphs are somewhat disjointed, just like my train of thoughts right now. Am supposed to rush out my essays but wanted to post something for you guys, so forgive the lack of coherence. I think my German has both improved and deteriorated in Germany. I guess it has improved largely regarding vocabulary. It is not a problem now understanding what people say or what signboards refer to, and I’ve gotten so used to this level of familiarity that I felt somewhat jolted when I was in Italy and could no longer navigate and ask for the directions the way I can in Germany. But I must say the lack of German classes (there were too limited places here and I couldn’t get enrolled) means my grammar has been shot to hell, I  have now forgotten more complex sentence structures and so on. :( But at least I know enough to get by and can communicate to and understand what people say! Have gone for talks completely in German and not snoozed nor died :>